Family life requires great patience from the spouses, the supply of which is running out every day. Petty quarrels develop into scandals, resentment into chronic hostility. For many, the only thing stopping them from getting divorced is their children. But if it is easy enough to maintain a formal marriage, then saving love and respect from dying is much more difficult. But without this, family life is just fiction.
Family relationships can be compared to a building. If this is a rotten shack, then it is better to demolish it as soon as possible and plan a new strong building in this place. But if the building is quite suitable, do not rush to destroy what the two of you have worked long and hard for. After all, no matter how severe the damage, in most cases everything is decided by a good overhaul. Maybe it’s time to do it?
Crises happen in every family. By the way, according to a recent survey of 191 CDFA professionals from across North America, the three leading causes of divorce are “basic incompatibility” (43%), “infidelity” (28%), and “money issues” (22%). If you still love your spouse, but something went wrong, try to find out: why did this happen? Is this your fault? People should always be given a second chance. But the third – never. A twice-repeated mistake is no longer an accident, but a rule.
A dying marriage is a very sad situation for a husband and wife. If you are suddenly faced with such a problem in your relationship, we advise you to read our article that will guide you on the right path and help save your marriage.
What are Dying Marriage Signs?
There are several stages of a dying marriage. In the first phase, one of the spouses appears dissatisfied with the existing relationship. On the second – the partners begin to “sort out” the relationship. The next stage is when close relatives, friends, and acquaintances are involved in the process of family breakdown. And, finally, there comes the process of understanding the experience gained. If, as a result, the “cons” outweigh, then, as a rule, a divorce follows.
Although marriage statistics are not always optimistic, no one ever marries with thoughts of an impending divorce. Unfortunately, anything can happen in life and at one time or another, many couples begin to wonder if their family is on the verge of destruction. Any relationship takes effort. If you notice red flags in your relationship, then your marriage may be in jeopardy. Here are a few signs that a marriage is likely to end in divorce.
1. You feel lonely
It is unacceptable! Otherwise, why are you in a relationship? You and your partner should complement each other, not devastate. If one of the partners feels lonely, then this indicates serious problems in the relationship. However, our words should not be interpreted as if the spouses should be together all day and entertain each other. Of course not. Both partners should have their interests. In separation, you should not feel inferior and unhappy. Rather, on the contrary, you should be filled with even greater happiness in anticipation of the upcoming meeting. It is important not to keep feelings inside, but to talk about them to your partner to save a dying marriage.
2. You are constantly nervous about money
Living paycheck to paycheck is unlikely to bring happiness. Conflicts on this ground are inevitable. What do most couples do in such a situation? They start looking for extra work. To increase your income, there is nothing shameful. But it should be understood that in this case, the partners do not have the strength and time for romance, which is so important for maintaining relationships. Married couples with low incomes are more likely to divorce than those with medium or high incomes. Therefore, everything must be done so that finances do not become a bone of contention. Try to fix your financial situation without hurting your relationship.
3. You avoid each other
Husband and wife who are in a dying marriage often avoid each other. It doesn’t matter how: either you just try not to be alone, or you “remember” an important meeting when your partner wants to talk. You may both sincerely see this as a way to “keep the peace” or “cool off a little”, but if the relationship is really important to you, you need to get rid of such tactics.
4. You are more comfortable apart than together
Yes, sometimes it’s nice to sit in silence, read your favorite book, or still get to the movie, which you kept putting off watching. If you and your wife are increasingly drifting apart, enjoying the nights spent apart, and getting frustrated with the reunion, it’s worth talking about it. Perhaps you spent too much time together and now want to take a break from each other. It`s natural. A cause for concern arises when you do not want to see each other because on an unconscious level you understand: that something is wrong with your relationship, in which case you have a dying marriage. Take the time to talk and figure out where you want to go as a couple.
5. All your conversations end in a quarrel
If you constantly find out who last filled the car or did not buy eggs for breakfast, this is bad for both your relationship and your children (if any). Try to track the moment when your partner’s habits begin to annoy you.
6. You stopped discussing important decisions
If you already think of yourself as a single person and tell the news of your life to neighbors, and not to your wife or husband, this is not a sign of independent thinking, but a reason to contact a family counselor.
7. One of the partners doesn’t want to have sex
Surprisingly, a lot of couples in a dying marriage are not sexually active. The reasons for this are different: the partner has become stout, the children interfere, there are problems at work, and there is not enough time. Yes, sometimes work takes so much time and effort that the desire to have sex fades into the background. But if you avoid your partner, you will inevitably lose touch with them.
Physical abuse is not the only form of toxic behavior. It is possible to commit violence emotionally or even financially. Anything that makes a partner feel unappreciated or feels unsafe can be considered an insult. Think about how you have treated your partner throughout the years of your marriage. How would you feel if you were in their place?
When Should a Dying Marriage Be Saved, and When Not?
A happy family requires teamwork. If one of the spouses has given up and does not want to invest in the relationship, there is no point in saving the marriage. The first thing to do when you feel that love has cracked is to make sure that you and your spouse are both ready to start over.
But there are situations when you do not need to think about how to save a dying marriage on the verge of divorce. For example, if:
- The partner shows moral or physical aggression.
- He suffers from a harmful addiction and cannot be cured.
- Requires giving up important values for you (for example, the dream of children).
There are other good reasons for breaking up a relationship. Sometimes you need to leave toxic connections in the past to find happiness and harmony. Don’t be afraid to make difficult decisions.
Worse relationships and speed-up divorce can provoke:
- Unwillingness to compromise, to give in;
- Suppression of claims;
- Unwillingness to take the first step towards reconciliation;
- Constant reproaches instead of finding a solution to the problem.
How to Save a Dying Marriage?
Sooner or later, a relationship crisis arises in family life. Feelings cool down between husband and wife and discontent heats up to the limit. Only two people can save a marriage on the verge of divorce if they both want to.
Many couples believe that it is impossible to spoil a strong love. And if it doesn’t work out to save it, then it’s just not the second half. But the argument is wrong. Relationships need to be worked on. Psychologists identify several basic rules that help maintain a family hearth and restore good relations between spouses:
1. Start with yourself
The main misconception in marriage is that you can and should redo your soulmate. This is wrong and will only provoke unnecessary negativity. What is the first thing to do in a dying marriage? Work on yourself first. Analyze what you might be doing wrong, such as trying to control every step. Ask your partner if they would like to change in the relationship. Seeing your efforts to harmonize the marriage, they will not remain indifferent and will begin to respond.
2. Learn to communicate constructively
How to revive a dying marriage? You need to be able to have an open dialogue. You don’t have to say everything that comes to mind. Try to always speak calmly, and respectfully, without raising your voice. At the same time, listen carefully to your partner. If you are annoyed, then start a conversation only when you calm down.
3. Work on your looks
After marriage, many men and women cease to follow the figure, appearance, and wardrobe. A sagging belly, greasy hair, and sweatpants stretched on the knees are unlikely to give someone sexuality and attractiveness.
4. Spend more time together
It can be an interesting activity: biking, going to the movies, a weekend picnic, a romantic candlelight dinner. Go on the date together. It is important for saving your marriage. Show your imagination, the main thing is that the two of you have fun.
5. Take an interest in your partner’s life
How to help a dying marriage? Ask your partner how things are at work, what’s new today, and how you can help. It is not superfluous to know the dreams, goals, plans, and desires of the second half. Such communication builds trust and creates emotional intimacy.
Divide household duties equally, and try both to participate in the upbringing of children.
Speak more affectionate words, and compliments, praise your partner and admire them.
It’s very frustrating to know that your dying marriage is falling apart, but it’s not over yet. Think about whether you are ready to work on relationships, improve them and give them a second chance? If you are sure that this is impossible or you have already tried, but nothing worked, then you should think about the value of such a marriage. If both of you are willing to work on solving problems, then hope is not lost. Spend more time together, remember why you fell in love with each other. Talk, listen to each other, and find ways to get closer again.