In our modern world it is hard to find someone who hasn’t tried online dating at least once. Computers, laptops, cellphones are available everywhere. It seems so easy – just log in and type your search criteria. You will be astonished with the number of beauties who are dreaming about their perfect love. You send a virtual kiss and a first text to a chosen one. Then lots of messages will appear in your inbox. Isn’t it a great scenario for a sweet love story?
But in practice things are much more complicated. Online dating turns out to be really difficult. You send messages to each other, chat for hours, you seem to know everything about your match. After some time you decide to meet and nothing works. There is no chemistry between you. You are shocked and ask yourself “does online dating work?” Well, it does, but not always and not for everyone.
What are the main difficulties of online dating?
- It is less intense because people use online correspondence when they have time, as well as the ability to access the Internet.
- Written communications can be interpreted in many ways, and very often incorrectly. Reading the text, we are very likely not to understand the emotions that a person wanted to express. Where the message implies irony, we can see insult. Where the author was serious, we can see the joke. The reverse is also true. Instead of rudeness we can see a joke, instead of sarcasm — gratitude. Until we understand what was really meant, time passes. Sometimes it does not strengthen the relationship online, but rather contributes to the break-up. That’s why online dating is hard.
- We can’t see or hear our pen pals. We do not always know the truth about what a communication partner looks like or how sincere she is. In ordinary communication, we are helped by nonverbal signals while an e-mail deprives us of the opportunity to read body language. Communicating by correspondence, we do not interact with a real person. We cannot see an interlocutor in different situations, in collisions with various problems. We receive very limited information and, by the way, we are not often able to verify it.
First, we see only the outside cover of the human personality. You can observe only what she wants to show you. In a message she can write you that respects people or that she helps the weak and the old. But if you interacted with her in the real life, you could see that she treats the waiters in the restaurant with disdain. And in correspondence you could not see it. Therefore, you will believe that the girl is exactly as she portrays herself.
Secondly, when we do not have enough information, we begin to fancy the rest of it. And what is the basis for our imagination? Stereotypes. For example, if the girl in the conversation says that she loves the opera, we can easily assume that she is really delicate and elegant with refined tastes. But it can be far from reality.
- People don’t experience physical intimacy. In real relationships, the possibility of direct feedback is important, which contributes to the personal intimacy, and online communication deprives it. In other words, you simply cannot touch and feel your interlocutor.
- The delay in the transmission of messages also deprives communication of the spontaneity that is so usual for personal communication. As a rule, you both miss it, thinking too much before writing an answer.
- Risk of being scammed. Dating is harder for guys for this reason. Lots of girls see men as a source of the income. How does it work? You meet a pretty doll online, you communicate and soon you are in love with her. Then suddenly she tells you a sad story that happened to her, asking for a money support. Most likely you will help her. Surely, you feel like a real knight helping her, but, unfortunately, you are not the only one who is saving such eye-candy. She may be communicating with a couple of other guys, receiving money from them too.
- Danger of being fooled. She sends you her pretty photos, lovely letters with sweet confessions, and you are not even guessing that they are from an old hairy guy. It really hurts your self-respect when you discover the truth. It is no use asking “why is dating so hard?” You’d better try to meet with your chosen one in reality as soon as possible or at least, make a video call.
- Another reason “why is dating so hard for guys?” is that guys prefer actions to words. For the majority of men, it is much easier to make a surprise for a lady than write her a love-confession as long as one page.
What a man should and shouldn’t do to make online dating work?
- Do not turn your correspondence into something ordinary. No need to write that you took your dog to the vet, bought socks or repaired a vacuum cleaner. She is fed up with her own daily routine. She needs romance from you.
- Talk about your virtues.On the basis of your letters the girl should form a positive image of you. She must realize that you are a clever, caring, reliable, romantic, cheerful and kind person. In general, you are the ideal guy who is better than anyone she met before. But do not lie about your virtues.
- Make fun. Young ladies love funny guys. Your jokes should be witty, not silly or vulgar.
- Ask a girl about her life, be attentive to her problems because most women love to talk about themselves.
- In correspondence behave naturally. Don’t try to pretend someone you’re not: hot macho, tired philosopher, misunderstood nerd, etc.
So, just to sum things up, online dating can work but on condition that you will avoid all dangers and invest enough money and efforts in it. After all, nothing good comes easily, does it?