Breaking Up with Long-Term Relationship
Sometimes breaking up with long-term relationship is painful but the only way out if you want to restore your mental balance and start searching for a new love. Why would a couple, that seems perfect, suddenly break up?
Sometimes, the cause is the “toxic” relationships that burden both partners; and sometimes it is a cheating of one of the partners. In this article we will look at the main reasons why breaking off a relationship happens, and share tips from leading psychologists on how to recover and start living a new life.
Signs of breaking up relationship
Let’s take a look at the basic signs that you should stop your relationships and break up with your partner:
1. Lack of trust. This is one of the main reasons why men break up relationships. For men, it is more difficult to turn a blind eye to the affairs of a girlfriend or a wife. Even an innocent flirt in the eyes of the jealous and selfish man can cause a serious scandal, so the marriage or your happy relationship will be in danger. Women, most often, try to restore the balance, that’s why they compromise and look for excuses for many offenses made by the chosen one.
2. Different life goals. Very often love connects two absolutely opposite characters, and it may seem that they complement each other perfectly. But the statistics say the opposite! If you want to achieve career goals, having less and less free time,but your soul-mate dreams of the home comfort and quiet family evenings together, then sooner or later you will have conflicts. If you are not ready to give up on your goals, and the partner cannot or does not want to understand this, then the relationship break is inevitable.
3. Domestic violence. This term refers to not only the physical, but moral, and financial abuse. The old saying tried to persuade us that: “beating your wife is a sign of love”, but it is far from being true. Such “toxic” relationships can not be called loving ones, butit may seem surprising that such families can “boast” the longest family union. Relationship break up in this case will help the victim to get rid of her tyrant finally, restore the peace of mind and start appreciating herself as a person.
4. “Expectation vs Reality.” Breaking up with someone you love often happens because of the fact that the relationship does not meet the expectations of one of the partners. For example, a man is not ready to create a family and raise children, and his chosen one, on the contrary, dreams of becoming a mother and wife. Consequently, the partners start quarreling, and the misunderstanding between them grows. Even having strong feelings for a person, you need to be able to listen to your own heart and let go of someone who can not meet your expectations. But there are two sides of a coin, because you may draw absolutely ideal “picture of the family” in your head. Take a sober look at your dreams and desires, as well as the vital needs of your partner.
5. Addictions. Alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling are the main reasons for break up. Even the most devoted and sincere love can “burn out” if your chosen one refuses to do something about his addictions or bad habits.
6. Absence of intimacy. Sex is the basis of all love relationships. The absence of sex for a long time, cold or inattentive partner can be the reasons for your to seek the satisfaction foryour physical needs somewhere else. There are only a few life situations, when due to a serious illness of one of the partners, the relationship survives, despite sex with other lovers. But such cases are so rare that they only confirm the sad rule.
7. Financial issues. Very often breaking up with someone occurs because of his or her money debts. No one is obliged to be responsible for someone’s faults! The same rule can be applied to love. If you see that the behavior of your partner will push your family into a money pit, it is better to break off the relationship at once than bear this financial burden forever.
These are the most common reasons when breaking up after long relationship is advisable. This can happen to any family, even to the strongest one.
Relationship advice after breaking up
Getting over a breakup can be very difficult. Many people get depressed, angry, or just want to be a loose cannon. Psychologists say that taking a break and relax mentally is vital, as your stress can develop into a deep depression. But also to balance on the verge of decency for a long time is quite bad, because you can destroy your reputation or simply start hating everything that is connected with the concepts of “Love” and “Family”.
It is much more difficult for people whose feelings for the partner haven’t had time to fade away. In this case, the rehabilitation period may last for many months. Many people need the help of a psychologist, and maybe even taking medicines. So, what to do after a breakup? Psychologists advise first of all to get rid of the things that remind you about your ex-partner.
Take away your photos together, and better throw them or burn, if you are really angry. The same rule can be applied to the social networks. Delete phone numbers and contacts, so you won’t be tempted to write a message again. Do a spring cleaning of the apartment as a ritual of “breaking up” with the past. Buy something new for your apartment.
If you have the opportunity, then arrange a change of scenery and make a vacation away from home. Don’t avoid your friends! To tell the truth, at first you’ll want to be on your own, but that should not last too long. You will feel sorry for yourself and lead an antisocial way of life. Go to a bar, club or football to unwind. Best way to get over a breakup is to start a new hobby.
Perhaps, you have wanted for quite some time to start a dancing course or work out in the gym. Now it’s time to do it. Think about the things you really want to do, and just do them as soon as possible. But, if your moral condition is getting worse day by day, it is a sure sign that you need to consult a specialist!
How to survive a breakup with a man?
It is women who face more difficulties in recovering from a broken relationship or marriage. It’s all about the labels that society puts on us: “Has a boyfriend/husband left you?”, then “You are a good-for-nothing woman!” For this reason, many girls prefer not to notice the signs to break up and try to put up with it until the situation becomes totally unbearable.
In case the breakup happened, follow the suggestions of psychologists to restore your mental balance and start building your new life:
- Let your ex go. You need to find the moral resources to say: “Goodbye!” forever. Use our advice and throw away all things that remind you of him;
- Do something that used to be a “taboo.” Go to a nightclub, flirt with other men, pack your bags and go on vacation, or watch your favorite movies while sitting at home in an old stretched t-shirt and eating chips. Or raise rates and go to a salon for a tattoo or a piercing and so on. Don’t limit yourself;
- Change your appearance. Nothing lifts a woman’s mood better than going to a beauty salon;
- Create and carry on new plans.
Many women are afraid of being alone. Don’t start new relations with a man just because you want to have the revenge upon your ex. If you are not interested in building new relations, then enjoy the freedom, and do not give empty hope to someone with whom you just want to have fun. In most cases, after a long relationship, you will needs a total reboot.
Enjoy being single. You don’t have to make excuses if you’re late. You don’t have to cancel meetings with friends. Now you can devote maximum of your time to the child, without being disturbed by the daily care of your husband, as there is no need to iron his shirt or search for his formal pants.
At your leisure time, think of what you would like to do. It can be a shaping class or even a parachute jump. Devote an evening just for yourself. Remember, life has not ended because of one unhappy love story!
How to survive the separation for a man?
Men also have a hard time when breaking up with their beloved woman. There is an opinion that men can quickly cope with the emotional stress. But this is not true, as the guys simply have been told since their childhood that they should tolerate everything, without showing their inner grief. That’s why, men hide their true feelings, and, as a result, their moral suffering can cause even a physiological disorder. In the psychology, this phenomenon is called “psychosomatic”.
Breakup advice for men who want to recover from a failed relationship as fast as possible:
- Just let it go. This advice is universal for both partners. Don’t follow your ex-love on social media. Relieve yourself of unnecessary feelings and negative emotions, especially if she has already met a new man;
- Spend time in the men’s company. Nothing heals better than talking to old friends. Arrange a party for a bachelor: watch football with your friends and drink beer, or you may go to a strip bar. Now you can do whatever you like;
- Take care of yourself. Perhaps during family life you gained a beer belly or didn’t play your favorite guitar. It is time to fix it! Join the gym, go back to your long-forgotten hobby, develop yourself, and start learning a foreign language;
- Stay in your family circle. Nothing helps more than being at home with your loved ones around. If you have not visited your mother for a long time, then this is a great reason to feel like a little boy again and feel her care and affection.
The main thing for you is to understand that the life hasn’t finished with the breakup. And not all women are the same. Very often the cheating of a beloved woman is the reason why a man tries to find some negative qualities in other girls. It is necessary to realize at one that there are no identical people and relationships.
So, if your relationship is full of negativity, you feel unhappy next to your partner, or there is a place for violence in the family, it is better to break the bond. If you want to cope with the emotional stress and not to drown in negative feelings, you have to communicate more and allow yourself to flirt with the opposite sex.
If you feel that the resources are running out, and the moral condition is only getting worse, then you have to seek for a help of a psychologist. A specialist will help you to understand and solve the problem, so you can enjoy life and feel the former self-confidence. As a therapy, it is good to communicate with close relatives. Hope for the best and believe in love!
Marissa Bonner is a renowned dating expert with over 10 years of experience in the industry. With a Master’s degree in psychology and a background in counseling, Marissa has helped thousands of singles find love and build meaningful relationships.
Her approach to dating is centered around helping individuals identify their unique needs and desires in a partner, and empowering them with the skills and tools to communicate effectively and navigate the complex world of dating.