When you fall in love deeply, you dream your love story to be the most wonderful one. You wish it lasts forever and everyone around envies your strong relations. But one day after a meeting with your soul mate, or even worse, simply after a phone call or a message, your world crushes down. She tells that you cannot be together anymore. In other words, you got dumped. You are shocked and see how your dreams about a happy marriage, three kids and a cozy house fall apart. No more “Happily Ever After” for you.
What to do and what to think? For better or worse, relations break up sometimes. There may be thousands of reasons for separation. Obviously, for your self-esteem it would be better if it is you who broke the relations. But we are talking about the situation when your girlfriend left you. So, you may come to your psychologist and say, “my girlfriend broke up with me. What should I do?”. First of all you have to find out reasons why it happened.
This will help you to avoid such mistakes in the future. The worst thing you can do in this situation is just blame it all on her. It is so much easier to do. However, the practice shows that if there are problems in the relationship, it is usually the fault of both partners. This means that you’d better start looking for reasons in your own behavior.
The main mistakes of men can be the following:
Lack of attention
You paid too little attention to the woman. In this case, the girl gets bored, or she does not feel you need her, or begins thinking that you have someone else. Eventually, she starts looking for new emotions and attention somewhere else because she doesn’t get them in a relationship with you. Sooner or later, this leads to adultery and break-up of your relations. To be dumped by girlfriend for this reason is rather unpleasant, but your fault is still there. If you always came late from work, did not devote your free time to her or not even texted your girlfriend, she felt deprived of your love.
Excess of attention
That is another extreme. Maybe you paid too much attention to the woman. It is about the constant control and the desire to be aware of everything that is going on in her life. For example, you went to all the meetings of your girlfriend with her friends, accompanied her to all the shops, and during a temporary absence you could call her every hour. In other words, you were too annoying. Sooner or later such manic behavior would make anyone get bored. Everyone needs time on their own. Also relations imply trust. Hence, you have to believe that nothing bad would happen, and your partner remains faithful.
Jealousy
You’re jealous. Excessive jealousy towards other guys is a sign of insecurity, fear and doubt. The girl subconsciously feels it and starts searching for another partner. If you made scandal every time when she did not pick up your call or when someone flirted with her, then why do you tell your friends “my girlfriend left me”? She simply got tired with you.
You’re too frugal
A woman is always ready to accept temporary financial difficulties and support you in overcoming them. But if a man has money and at the same time he never takes his lady out, and gives flowers once a year on the occasion of the holiday, the girl is sure to run away. It is in women’s nature to choose the strongest and most successful man, because he will be able to feed his future family. And if he refuses to pay for a dinner, will he then support the financial costs of his family or the woman will have to feed their common children?
Adultery
She suspects you in cheating upon her. If you had a love affair with another woman or gave her a reason to think that it happened, it can be a good reason for her to do the same thing in return or simply leave you. If you love someone, you don’t try another woman. Just confess to yourself that you did not love her strong enough to be faithful.
Another man
She met someone else. That’s the most common reason why girls leave good guys. But, unfortunately, you can’t force someone to love. If she’s found someone better, there’s nothing you can do about it.
Dissolving in relations
Remember that a woman may also lose her interest to a man if he fully gives himself to her, sacrificing his time and his interests, or adapts to her desires and neglects his own ones (if you notice that you often went to the places that she wanted, but not you, it is a clear sign that such mistake occurred in your relations).
Lack of trust
That is also one of the reasons why she left you. You were afraid to tell her the truth because you didn’t want to lose her. You did not tell her when you were not satisfied with something in your relations. You hid your emotions and so on. Such behavior is caused by the lack of trust between two partners, who were not too close to each other.
Selfishness
Maybe in your relations you were the center of attention. You used to take her love and care for granted, seeing her like a beautiful supplement to your stunning personality. You know, it’s not all about you. There are two people in relations and you had to cherish her. So, don’t cry that “she left me”, it was totally your fault.
Simply not matching
Though, the reason may be that you are simply not made for each other. This is imposed on us by our culture: cinema, television, literature and upbringing. The idea is that there is a “second half”, which is perfect for us. And if you can find her, you will be truly happy. No. There are no ideal matches. No one will make you happy if you don’t do it yourself. It is impossible to find such person who would be convenient in everything. It is a myth. So, she might have thought that you are not made for each other. That’s why she decided to find someone who can match her better.
These are the main reasons for your break up. Well, we are not talking about the cases when the break up was caused by the violence, domination or rudeness. Such relations have no right for existence. Having found the reason “why she dumped me?”, you have to answer another important question. Do you want to get your girl back or simply forget about her? If you dream about restoring your relations, you have to change. Remember! She does not need you as you are right now! Otherwise, she wouldn’t have left.
Do you agree? It is necessary to do something about this. Are you ready to change and become a different person? Well, go ahead. What should be changed about you? You have to remember all the words that she told you, all the reproaches, all the quarrels and insults, all the happy and sad moments. Remember what she liked in you and what made her upset. Even if you want to get your girlfriend back, do not try to restore the old relationship. They might have suited you, but they certainly didn’t suit her. Otherwise she wouldn’t have broken up you.
Get your love back
But there is one interesting way that will help you to overcome all these barriers, and really change in the eyes of your second half. Your task is to describe the new image of yourself on a piece of paper. First, understand which of your qualities made the girl lose all feelings for you. And then take 2 large sheets and describe in detail the image of the person who has the opposite of your qualities.
Well, it does not mean that you should be completely different, it is all about the mistakes that you have made. The next step (to which you can go only after conscientiously completing the previous task) is communication with the girls in a new way. Now that you have a detailed description of you new self, call all your friends (women) and chat with each of them at least 5 minutes in this new image. Then gradually, you have to get into this new character. You should change, and then try to revive your love.
Life goes on
Perhaps, you thought before and still consider this woman to be the best and most wonderful in the whole world. But the fact that your fate has taken a different path does not mean that it has reached a dead end. There are only mental traps into which we put ourselves. Remember, if you decided to be in despair and apathy, your life won’t be better. It is fact. Despair, apathy, self-pity, and hatred to the one who damped you are sure ways to make the life worse.
So, maybe it is better to let her go off. Don’t dwell on your loss. Be grateful for the joy that your relationship with her has brought you, and use it as a motivation to find a new girl! Your value as a man has nothing to do with her opinion of you. Your true love may be waiting for you just round the corner!
I’m a certified relationship counselor situated in dazzling New York. With extensive expertise in the field of relationships, I’ve talked to countless couples, including those from diverse cultural backgrounds. I know all the ins and outs of the international dating world and have always wanted to share my insights with a wider audience. That’s why I am here.
